Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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