it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
