She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
