Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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