I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
