My sheets look like a crime scene.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
