I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
