I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
a search helicopter?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
