Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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