Can i not drive my cunt home
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
