Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
