I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
