She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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