I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
