If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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