Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
