Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
