Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
