thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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