You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
