Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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