I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
