He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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