No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
