This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
