I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
