You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
