Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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