WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
