how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
