I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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