nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You ruined the universe
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
