Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
