Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
