I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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