taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
