I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this boner is exhausting
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
