lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
