hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
