I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
