I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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