In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
