i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
