Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
