its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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