Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
