Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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