i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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