I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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