You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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