then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
