The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
