that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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