Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
