my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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