So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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