i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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