you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
