We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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