i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
