mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
