Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
