I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
