Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize