Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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