you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
