just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
