Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
