where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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