Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
