She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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