I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
