She's JV to your varsity
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
