Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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