Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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