First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am one with the molecules
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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