I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
