No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
