Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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